Although I understand very clearly the evil and destructive nature of a narcissistic personality disordered individual and the impossibility of having a healthy relationship with such a person, I do have a great deal of sympathy for these individuals.
I can sympathize because I have come to understand that their disordered personality was largely shaped in childhood as a result of their own exposure to trauma.
No one just wakes up one day and has no empathy towards other humans.
No one just wakes up and decides to be a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, fooling the world outside the home, but no one inside the home.
No one just wakes up one day full of rage that victimizes individuals in their lives who become scapegoats for their unresolved, unhealed mother and father wounds.
No one just wakes up one day viewing people not as people, but as tools, toys, or obstacles to be conquered.
Trauma impacts the brain development of the growing child, impeding their ability to mature to wholeness as an adult. The effect is widespread, extending beyond narcissistic traits.
I have been fascinated with the brain since my teenage years and in my work of helping abuse victims and survivors, and providing tools for abuse prevention, it has been helpful to understand how trauma affects a child's developing brain. I believe it is important for everyone to understand the scope of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and how they affect a person in childhood as well as adulthood.
The following are a few resources to consider, if you'd like to expand your understanding of trauma and its impact on a child's developing brain.
Often, as a result of extended exposure to trauma, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) develops in childhood that affects a person in adulthood. If you feel this may be possible for you, I want to encourage you to get help. You may not be responsible for how you were hurt, but you are responsible for your healing. You can be healed and released from the bondage of anxious living, unfulfilled relationships, and broken dreams. Learn more here.
God is the Ultimate Healer (Isaiah 53:5) and He wants you to experience abundant life in Him (John 10:10). He will heal you (Jeremiah 17:14).
In Christ you are a new creation. The old has passed away and the new has come (2 Cor 5:17). God created your brain and He has the power to heal it.