I know you want to understand what is happening in your marriage, in your life, and in your world. I know you want to make sense of it all. Everything just seems to be crashing in and the pain feels unbearable. You loved and you loved deeply. You gave one hundred percent. You are convinced that if both people truly love God and each other, relationships can be meaningful and satisfying. It's natural to want to know the whys that prevented that kind of beautiful experience.
But here you are in the middle of fragments of a dream. Surrounded by fragments of the ideal. Surrounded by fragments of the possible. Surrounded by fragments of yourself. You want them to know the depths of your pain. You want them to understand the damage they’ve caused. You want them to care.
I need you to hear me clearly though. If he is a narcissist, you will not get what you are seeking. You will not get what you are seeking from a narcissist. It would be like trying to get water from a stone. Actually, it’s worse because your attempts at sharing your hurt and need to be understood, and your desire for your love to be reciprocated by the one who claimed to love you, only feeds a dark place in them. They do not think like we do—like normal, emotionally healthy people. They do not love like we do. Because of their unhealed hurts and unresolved issues, many of which were inflicted and created in childhood, they are not capable of love.
Friend, give God your pain. He will comfort you. You cannot figure this out. Evil cannot be understood. Let your mind and heart rest in God's comfort and care. Give Him your restless, burdened mind. Isaiah 26:3 says that the mind stayed on Christ is in perfect peace. Let your mind, body, and spirit that have all been under great oppression and trauma, rest. God says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Friend, you need rest for your soul.
Consider my paraphrase of 1 John 4:4: Greater is He in us who has the ability to comfort, heal, and restore than he that is in the world with his ability to steal, kill, and destroy. God doesn't change. His love, power, and justice are supreme and everlasting. We’re reminded in John 10:10 that the enemy's weapons have no power to prosper against God's promise of abundant life.
I know you want closure. But sometimes, the only closure you need is knowing that you deserve better. I pray that you get to that place. That place of knowing you deserve to be treated better. Because you do. Psalm 139:14 says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Jeremiah 1:5 says you were created and ordained, set apart to bring God glory in your own unique way. Focus on God and His plans to prosper you and give you a future and a hope, as promised in Jeremiah 29:11.
Friend, you matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your valley will be exalted and your triumph will bring glory to God. Trust Him.